On day 29 of my Final Fantasy Marathon, I left off after Yang and Ursula resolved to sail to Baron to recover their stolen Crystal. Today, Sheila is seeing them off at the docks.

Journey to Baron

Sheila tells Ursula to take care of herself and threatens to do more than smack Yang with a frying pan if he fails to keep their daughter safe. We board the ship and set sail for Baron.

Ursula asks what we will do when we get there. Yang says we’ll attain an audience with Cecil and find out the truth.

Ursula wants to know what we’ll do if Cecil is already in enemy hands. Yang insists that could never happen to Cecil.

Ursula says it must be nice to have his undying trust. One of the crew reports there are monsters on the ship.

Ursula, Yang, and three generic monks fend off a pair of Sahagins and a couple fish. Ursula says she’s never heard of monsters storming the deck of a ship before.

Yang says the moon must be affecting the creatures. A sailor spots a Damcyan ship.

Thanks for nothing Edward

Edward recognizes Yang and is pleased to see they are both traveling toward Baron, for presumably the same purpose. Yang’s ship begins to lose speed due to the damage from the monster attack.

Edward swings around and picks them up and they continue on to Baron. Just kidding, Edward’s ship blows on by, leaving Yang dead in the water.

Out of gas

The captain orders his men to fix the ship, but delivers the bad news that the fuel tank was damaged and they only have enough fuel left to make it to the nearest shore. Apparently the sails on the ship are just decorative.

The Captain docks the ship at the nearby Adamant Isles. Yang asks where we will find fuel.

The captain says some palm oil should work in a pinch, but warns the island is unexplored and could be dangerous. Yang says he will go get the fuel.

Ursula of course wants to come along and Yang says no. Shocker!

The generic monks also want to go, but he turns them down too. Yang sets out alone.

The day turns to night and Ursula is worried that her father isn’t back yet. Everyone tries to reassure her that he’ll be fine, but she decides to go look for him.

The generic monks follow her. As we proceed through the forest, we switch between Ursula’s party and Yang, with flashbacks between.

Forest of flashbacks

The first flashback features Sheila telling Yang that she is pregnant. Yang finds a silver breastplate and equips it.

The next flashback is Yang training with his monks while Sheila is about to give birth. Yang’s men question why he is training on a day like this.

The Duke Consort shows up and tells Yang to go be with his wife. We hear a baby cry and with some urging from the monks, Yang goes to meet his daughter.

In the next flashback, Ursula is a toddler and Yang is amused by her desire to be big and strong like her father. He tells her that there is something he wants her to cherish even more than strength, but we’ll have to wait to find out what that is.

Yang finds and equips a Green Beret. In the next flashback, Sheila asks Yang when he will begin Ursula’s formal training.

He says not until she learns for herself that kindness and honor are more important than strength. Sheila says Ursula is both kind and honorable.

Yang agrees, but says she still seeks strength above all else. Sheila is like, pot, kettle, much?

Ursula finds and equips a Rune Armlet. She finally locates some palm trees.

Giant turtles love palm oil

Ursula tries to get the oil, but an adamantoise attacks. Our attacks aren’t doing jack shit to it, and the turtle knocks the generic monks down to 1 HP each.

Ursula flashes back to watching her father training his monks. They are trying to smash a giant boulder.

They say the task is impossible. Yang tells them trying to crush it through sheer force will only bruise their knuckles.

He tells them to find and concentrate on its weak point instead. Yang then crushes the boulder.

Ursula uses a new technique that damages the turtle. Yang shows up to the fight. The generic monks aren’t a lot of help here, but I take it down with three Five Star Crimson bands.

We get the palm oil and Ursula learns Tenketsu. This special ability allows her to attempt to exploit an enemies weak point.

It can result in a normal attack, a critical hit, elemental damage, or an instant kill. However, it takes three times as long to execute as a normal attack.

Always two there are

Yang says Ursula’s actions to save the generic monks proves she has the heart to go with her strength. He accepts her as his pupil.

He tells her not to expect special treatment. Ursula tries to thank him, but he tells her to spare her tears, because he is now her Master, not her father.

The pair learns the Twin Wing Frenzy Band. We make our way back through the forest to the ship.

This shit again

We hand over the palm oil and Ursula even agrees to help refine it into fuel. The ship gets underway again.

Ursula and Yang both sense a disturbance in the Force. Yang tells everyone to lash themselves to the ship.

A giant whirlpool opens in front of the ship. Yang’s Tale ends.

Palom’s Tale: Prologue

The start screen for Palom’s Tale tells me that he has sworn to follow Tellah’s footsteps and become a sage. The Elder sends him to Troia to train Leonora as an apprentice Epopt.

What does the peaceful kingdom of Troia need with an epopt trained in black magic? The upheaval rocking the world is about to land on Troia.

Palom: Still an asshole

Palom’s Tale opens with a sailor and ship captain bemoaning their lack of success catching fish. The sailor asks how much longer they must put up with, “the brat.”

The Brat shows up and calls him out. Turns out it’s Palom. The Captain apologizes to Palom for his crew’s insolence.

Palom rewards him by continuing to be a dick. Palom is the reason they are trying to catch fish, because he wants something fresh to eat.

Flashback

Palom seems to be regretting taking the job he is on. We flash back to Mysidia. As usual, Palom is late for a meeting with the Elder.

He and Porom bicker for a bit and then Palom asks the Elder what he needs. The Elder tells him a foreign nation has made a request.

Palom assumes it’s some lazy country asking for prayers so they don’t have to deal with their own problems. He’s happy to let Porom take the job.

He asks the Elder if he made a decision about the Sage training Palom requested. The Elder says Palom is still not ready.

The Elder says the nation requested a mage to train their Epopts. Porom says she’d be happy to handle the request.

The Elder thanks her, but says he decided to send Palom. The twins are both shocked, given that Porom has always been the one to train the Epopts and Palom knows nothing about white magic.

Palom questions what good he could possibly be to them. The Elder says that is up to Palom.

Porom asks the Elder why he sent Palom instead of her. The Elder says there are some things he thinks only Palom is capable of.

The Elder then experiences some kind of distress and goes to his knees while clutching his head. However, he claims he is fine.

Back on the ship

Back on the ship in the present day, Palom is frustrated that he still hasn’t reached Troia. The Captain told him the journey would take about a week, but it has been about a month.

I guess that explains some of Palom’s grouchiness. It seems the compass is broken and the crew has not been able to navigate properly without it.

Palom’s tirade is interrupted by the ship finally reaching the cape of Troia. The ship docks, but Palom says they are still pretty far from Troia.

The crew tells him to cross the bridge and go north to the chocobo forest and then ride a chocobo across the bridge to Troia. Palom agrees and leaves the ship, but not without one last snarky comment to the captain.

Troia bound

I follow the crew’s instructions and grab a chocobo, which I ride to Troia. I stop by the town to purchase some supplies and equipment and then head into the castle.

The Epopts tell me that one of their number is ill and they need to get a replacement trained ASAP. They introduce Leonora as their chosen trainee.

Palom, being Palom, says she definitely looks like she needs training. The Epopt says that Leonora arrived eight years ago and showed great talent and dedication, earning her the nomination.

Palom questions why she’d even need training if she’s that talented. Leonora scolds him for being rude.

Palom questions whether he’s even the right man for the job, given that he can’t teach her anything about white magic. The Epopt seems dismayed.

Leonora says it’s fine and she can get the spiritual training she needs by learning white or black magic. The Epopt requests Palom accompany Leonora to the Tower of Trials.

If Leonora can get to the top of the Tower, she will become an Epopt. The Epopts advise we should visit the Chocobo Village, because we have to cross two rivers to get to the Tower.

Tower of Trials

We walk north to the Chocobo Village and then take a chocobo to the Tower in the south. Palom asks what is on the top floor and Leonora says it is the Monastic Seal.

She says a prayer to open the doors to the Tower. Once inside, Palom begins the training.

He starts by teaching her to cast fire spells. She must then practice on a puppet before proceeding into the Tower.

Leonora must then face a Mini Red in combat and defeat it to learn the Fire spell. Palom explains that this is just one of the building blocks she can eventually upgrade into higher-level magic.

As we climb the tower, we face random encounters. Leonora is pretty useless and kind of hard to keep alive due to her low HP and slow speed.

Leveling her up before going into the Tower would probably make this less frustrating, but oh well. The pair learn the A Little Black Magic Band.

Leonora must face a guardian to pass each floor. The first is three Mini Reds. The main challenge in these fights is keeping Leonora from dying.

She has low defense and low HP and she is sooooo slow it is hard to get her spells off before the enemy, but I muddle through with a bit of leveling up and manipulation of the moon phase.

Leonora says that black magic is harder to learn than white after beating the first guardian. Palom says it’s not a matter of difficulty.

It’s just that most people are better at one or the other, which is why being a Sage is so hard. He then gets suspicious that Leonora is actually training to be a Sage, but she denies it.

Second floor

On the second floor, Palom teaches Leonora the Blizzard spell and we repeat the routine with her taking on the puppet and then the guardians. Palom is still suspicious about why an Epopt would need to learn black magic, but Leonora isn’t talking.

Third floor

Palom teaches Leonora Thunder on the third floor and she does the puppet and guardian routine again. We find a Sage’s Miter in a chest, which goes to Leonora.

After she defeats the thunder guardians, Palom says she has mastered the basics of black magic. He stresses that she has only made it to the starting line.

He tells her that black magic is all about knowing the properties of things and their weaknesses and strengths. He says if you don’t have a natural talent for it, you just have to work harder.

Top floor

We get to the top floor and Palom is not impressed by the Monastic Seal, which is just a plinth with the Seal carved upon it. He says if reading this plinth is all you need to do to become an Epopt, you have to wonder…

Leonora cuts him off. She tells him he can say what he wants about her, but she isn’t going to put up with him insulting the Epopts. Palom sort-of apologizes and says he wasn’t trying to make fun of them.

He adds that she’s probably better off with no natural talent, because when you are a prodigy you get lazy and stop trying to improve. What a douche.

We collect a few more treasures from the Tower, one of which is a second Sage’s Surplice, which I give to Palom. I then have Leonora Teleport us out of the Tower.

The prodigal child returns

We return to the castle and Leonora tells the Epopts she touched the plinth with her very own hand. The Epopts say they knew she had the right stuff.

Palom says if Porom had come instead of him, Leonora would have come back in a coffin. He demands to know why they filled their Tower with monsters and guardians.

He wants to know why the Epopts suddenly want to learn black magic. An Epopt says they need a way to defend themselves, since they’ve heard rumors that Baron is gathering crystals again.

Palom is outraged. He refuses to believe Cecil would do such a thing. Leonora tells them he’s probably just tired from their journey.

Leonora goes to find Palom and apologize. Palom concedes that maybe the Epopts do need a way to protect the Crystal, but he refuses to believe what they said about Baron or Cecil.

Troubled sleep

Leonora says Palom needs to sleep and she takes him to the infirmary, since it’s the only room in the castle open to men. Palom lies awake thinking about how Baron took the crystals before.

However, that was the work of Golbez and Golbez left with the moon. Then Palom remembers that the moon is back.

Leonora comes in and tells him that the Crystal is afraid. Palom and Leonora rush to the Epopt’s chamber.

Fucking Redwings again

Leonora and Palom arrive at the Epopt chamber. An Epopt tells them that airships from Baron are approaching Troia.

Palom thinks they want him to fight back, but they say they must wait to see what Baron’s next move is. Palom tells them to let him keep the crystal.

He says they can tell the soldiers that a bandit stole it or something. Leonora says she is going with Palom.

He says she’ll only get in his way, but she insists and the Epopts agree. They go into the Crystal Chamber and Leonora takes the Earth Crystal.

The Mysterious Girl walks into the Epopt’s Chamber and demands the Crystal. They refuse to give it up.

Palom tells Leonora they are too late and there’s nowhere to run. She shows Palom a secret escape passage that will take them out of the castle.

Another waterway

The passage leads into yet another waterway. We find a Rune Armlet and a Great Bow, which I give to Leonora.

The pair master their A Little Black Magic Band. We emerge from the waterway outside the castle gate.

Leonora is worried about the Epopts, but Palom says she must have faith they can handle themselves. We leave the castle and Palom asks where they should run to.

Leonora suggests the lodestone cavern. She says we’ll need to fly a black chocobo to get there.

Damn Baron

We head north to get a Black chocobo, but get spotted by Baron soldiers who pursue us in an airship. The airship tries to shoot down the chocobo, but it lands safely outside the cavern.

Leonora tells the chocobo to get out of there. We go into the cavern.

Lodestone Cavern

We enter the cavern and Palom comments on the magnetic field. Apparently, he doesn’t notice the two giant stone dildos next to the entrance.

Leonora says the magnetic field will keep the soldiers from pursuing us because they can’t move in their plate and chain armor. Palom tells Leonora to go back to Troia.

She refuses. He tells her this will be nothing like her training. Leonora says she is ready for whatever comes her way and besides, Palom will need her white magic.

We find a Circlet and a Polymorph Rod for Palom. Eventually, we run into a fake trail set by the Epopts.

Leonora leads the way to the real trail. We find a Mage’s Robe, which goes to Palom and a Soma Drop and some Adamantite that I save for later.

The soldiers eventually figure out they need to remove their metal gear and come after us. We run into the Crystal Chamber and Leonora puts the Crystal on the stand or whatever it is.

The Dark Elf

Palom says he guesses this is it. Baron’s numbers are too great for us to withstand. Leonora tells him this isn’t like him and he questions how she could possibly know.

Palom senses a disturbance in the Force and tells Leonora to get away from the Crystal. The Dark Elf appears, saying the Crystal restored the body he lost in the previous battle.

The Dark Elf Attacks. I hit him with Thundara spells until he decides to transform. We can’t damage his new form.

Suddenly, Shiva shows up and blasts the Dark Elf into oblivion. Palom thinks Rydia must have come, but it turns out to be the Mysterious Girl.

Can’t teach an old dog new tricks

The Mysterious Girl demands the Crystal. Palom wants to know what happened to Cecil, but the girl doesn’t answer.

Palom tells Leonora to give him the Crystal and leave. She objects, but eventually gives in when he says he has a plan.

Leonora hands over the Crystal and teleports out. Palom tells the Mysterious Girl she’s about to be outfoxed by an inferior species.

He casts Break and turns himself and the Crystal to stone. Leonora returns to the Crystal Chamber.

You’re the bomb

The Mysterious Girl calls Palom a fool, saying she’ll just shatter his body and take the Crystal. Leonora tells her not to touch Palom.

She casts Esuna and unpetrifies Palom. I guess Tellah just sucked at unpetrifying people.

Palom scolds her for coming back. Leonora scolds Palom for risking getting shattered to pieces.

Palom says the Mysterious Girl is bluffing and Leonora says it is Palom who is bluffing. Leonora flashes back to the scene from the end of FFIV, where Porom smacks Palom for flirting with a blonde girl, instead of showing up for training.

Turns out that girl was Leonora. She says Palom has always been one to bluff and talk big to make others feel better.

The Mysterious Girl demands the Crystal. They refuse and the girl is confused why they’d give up their last chance to live.

Palom says Leonora is no good as an Epopt. However, as his partner she passes with flying colors!

They learn the Particle Bomb Band. We confront the Mysterious Girl. She just floats doing nothing while we hit her with some Particle Bombs.

Eventually, she’s like, is that all you got? Then she summons Shiva and wipes us out.

She takes the Earth Crystal from our unconscious heroes. Palom briefly comes to and tries to stop her, but she says she is done with him.

The scene shifts to Mt. Ordeals. Porom is following Kain when she senses a disturbance in the Force.

She says Palom’s name. Palom’s Tale ends.

An expensive sidequest

I pop back into Palom’s Tale to complete an expensive sidequest. It starts at the pub in Troia.

I purchase a Member’s Writ for 2500 gil that grants me access to a secret pub. I watch a show featuring dancing girls that morph into old ladies who then drag Palom on stage and beat him up.

I walk through the door the dancers left open and find a treasure chest with a Lustful Lali-ho in it. I opt not to show the book to Leonora.

These items aren’t particularly valuable, but there is an achievement tied to collecting them that I already have. I purchase a Member’s Card from another vendor for 5,000 gil.

This gives me access to yet another secret pub called the Queen’s Bounty. We watch another show.

This time the dancers drag Leonora on stage and have her dance with them. Palom tells her she did a nice job.

We go through another open door to find a vendor selling the Queen’s Whip. This item is necessary for the achievement to learn all the bands, because it is the only whip Leonora can equip and there is a band that requires her to equip one.

I already have this achievement, so I don’t buy it. I do buy a VIP Card for 10,000 gil to get access to another secret pub.

A namingway greets us at the door to this pub and congratulates us on making it all the way down here. We watch another show and the dancers bring both party members on stage for an elaborate routine that ends with the dancers forming the roman numeral IV.

Palom says the dance was breathtaking and Leonora calls it fun. Palom jokes that maybe Leonora should give up being an Epopt and be a dancer instead.

We leave the pub and there is a treasure chest with a Black Tail in it. I can exchange this for some high-end gear later in the game.

I make my way back out of all the pubs and save the game outside the town. I decide to quit for the night.